It is hard to believe that we are about to celebrate one whole year of life for Baby Borg and thus one whole year of life of being parents, and then most specifically one whole year of life of me being a mom.
Looking back on just this one year, what everyone and I mean everyone -including the two hardware store employees who stopped me last week mid-errands with Baby Borg – says is true: it goes by so fast. They all say enjoy it. One of the said hardware store employees told me she would pay all of the money she has to go back to the days of her daughter’s childhood. All of her money – just to go back to the days of diapers, discipline, and sippy cups.
Her comment has stuck with me. She said it so endearingly as she remembered her daughter’s childhood and her experience being a mom. She didn’t remember the hard days of bedtime battles or mid-meal melt downs. She didn’t remember the long nights of consoling a sick child when all you crave is your comfortable, warm, and quiet bed.
Or maybe she did. She didn’t tell me…but from what she did tell me through her eyes, her words, and sharing more about her daughter I could tell how being a mom was something she cherished and was proud of.
Since becoming a mom a year ago, I can personally say parenting is the hardest thing I have done to date. It is the most demanding, time consuming, and challenging experience with no real playbook. Sure, there are blogs, books, social media channels, and well-meaning friends with advice galore, but every child (and parent) is different (think: moving target) so one day or season something may work when in the next it won’t.
Finding my footing as a parent and specifically a mom was difficult. I didn’t ease into motherhood like I expected to or even how my friends who are moms did. God used my transition, as rocky as it was, into motherhood to reveal some ugly obsessions (what I’ll call idols) I’ve let grow for a while like success, control, and people pleasing come to the surface.
Facing these things head on while trying to learn to care for an infant, manage a home, help my husband, and work part-time all while sleep deprived was overwhelming. But it was in the midst of this overwhelming flood of “all the things” that God assured me He was there for me, He knew what was going on, He was behind me and ahead of me, and has the days all planned for me as it says in my favorite scripture in Psalm 139.
How did God assure me? In many moments this past year it was through my time reading the Bible (even the 5 minutes here and there) that I knew He was with me. At other times it was in my desperate prayers driving home from a long day at work with a screaming baby in the back seat that I knew He was there with me. In other moments this year I felt His loving kindness through the hands and feet of those He has put around me – family, friends, neighbors, co-workers who asked the tough questions, physically
came over to help with diapers or house work, or pursued friendship with me when all I could manage was to respond back.
What have I learned in this past year of being a mom? What am I celebrating this next week as we celebrate Baby Borg turning one? I’m celebrating that I know I simply can’t be the mom I desire to be without Him even more than I did a year ago and I’m so thankful.
So, admittedly I already forget many of those long days and nights or how I survived those first few months of sleep deprivation because it really is true…it goes by so fast.