My Fickle Heart

I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to be waiting at this point. I’m still kind of surprised it is actually the month of May. I’ve flipped over my calendar and it says May on my phone, but it still doesn’t feel like the month of May. There are grey skies, lots of rain in the forecast, and only a high of 60 a few days this week making me really believe in my mind that we are still living in the month April. But indeed we are not…May it is.

All along this journey to meeting baby I had hoped (and verbally shared with many) for a May baby even though we were cutting it rather close with a May 1 due date. Most of the family and friend votes had baby coming early in April and to be honest most of me did too.

As we’ve been counting down the days to May for what seems like a very long time…since late August in fact, now that it is here and we are still waiting, I find myself traveling in unchartered or really more so, unexpected territory.

Ignore #babyborgs fabulous headband collection and look at the white piece of paper: waiting is not a waste, God's mercy never ends.

Ignore #babyborgs fabulous headband collection and look at the white piece of paper: waiting is not a waste, God’s mercy never ends.

Territory I’ve been in before as I’ve tried to make my own plans and control my way to certain outcomes only to be stopped by an ever gracious God who reminds me again and again, Who is in control.

So even though I am thrilled we’ve passed the 40-week finish line and are in the month of May, I would be lying if I didn’t say that there are some parts of me sitting here, waiting a bit impatiently for baby to arrive. Isn’t the human heart so fickle? Mine is.

So yet again I’m reminded and grateful that I don’t have to trust in my fickle heart in this life…but that I can and should trust in God in all things. So trust in Him and His timing I am as we wait…walk…eat spicy food…do jumping jacks for baby Schulenborg.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8

Imperfect & Perfect Timing

It’s funny or perhaps a bit ironic how time flies when you don’t want it to and how it slugs along when you want it to simply pass by. I remember waiting, often some moments impatiently, during our engagement and eagerly wanting the time to pass by until our big day. While here we are weeks away from baby Borg’s arrival and all I want is time to simply slow down…most days.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m eager to meet the newest member of our family, but if I am honest, I feel like I need all the time I can get before she comes. Not time to “prepare” or get ready as I don’t think we will ever fully be ready, but time to just breathe a bit deeper and reflect a bit more before our new race as parents begins.

So as I sit here typing away and thinking about time – how it passes or slugs along – I’m reminded yet again how His timing is perfect (and has been perfect in my life) and how imperfect my timing has been.

It’s often at this time of the year that I’m reminded of how perfect His timing is. Two years ago earlier this month I took a step of faith and began a new chapter in my career. It wasn’t what I had planned or in my timing. I had just lost a job and found a new one, but the door was opened and He led me through it on His watch. It’s been two of the most exciting years of my life professionally and I would argue personally too. And I still pinch myself often that I get to go do my dream job five days of the week.

God continues to remind me how perfect His timing is in big and little ways. Slowly but surely, I’m getting better at recognizing how imperfect my ways are and how I simply and always need to trust in Him.

35 weeks picture

Talking to #babyBorg at 35 weeks.

So as the countdown to meet #babyborg is becoming more real (less than five weeks) and of course I have my desired timing for her arrival “planned out,” I am reminded again by His faithfulness and perfect timing in my life that no matter when she arrives… early, “on time”, or late I know it will be in His perfect plan and not my own.

Telling Baby Borg … it is well

Some weeks are just going to be like this.

That’s what I’ve been telling Baby Borg (and really myself) as we come to the close of one of my least favorite weeks in a while. And although this week hasn’t been terrible directly to me, it has been horrible to some of the people in this world that I really love. This week a family member lost their job they have been working at more years than I’ve been alive – just. like. that. A friend’s life has completely unraveled due to a mistake on their part and it’s literally all over the news. And today is the year anniversary for when a dear relative lost her husband suddenly.

So as I feel the need to continue our conversation, Baby Borg, I need to tell you this world is broken. You’ve got to be in on that secret now. Some days are going to be really rough, whether you caused the roughness or the roughness just came on its own. Some – err, well many days you won’t have the answers. Some times all you will want to do is go right back to bed and not face the hardship. Some days will just be plain blue.

photo-1440999189875-aec750e026f4But there is good news. Really good news to tell you. Even on days and weeks that are just downright horrible, there is hope. That hope comes from someone who completely understands hardship, scorn, ridicule, and so much more. He faced it for us – for you and for me – when He didn’t deserve it at all. He even died on a cross to give those who trust in Him new life. I plan to tell you much more but for now I’ll tell you the name that gives me hope, especially on weeks like this. That name is Jesus.

So you know that song I’ve been singing a lot this week, little one?

It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

I’ve been singing it because of Jesus.

Reading & Writing

I just got the desire back to read again. It’s been months since I’ve wanted to pick up a good book and read it just for fun which is odd for me, a book club starter and lover of Barnes & Noble, Half Price Books, and the library. I haven’t even read or wanted to read a practical book, well, for practical sake. I simply lost my appetite for reading one day and it just didn’t come back. Until now.

Last night, all of a sudden, instead of watching another episode of our (okay, just my) Netflix show of the moment, Gilmore Girls, I wanted to read. It was just like a light switch went off and I was ready and eager to plow through a novel. I didn’t plow by any means…I managed to get through the first chapter before acquiescing to the need for sleep, but it was a start.

It has been the same status quo with writing for me, but just longer and a bit more serious. Considering the time stamp on my last blog boasted warm weather… I haven’t wanted to write for quite some time and on some days I’ve honestly been afraid to. But here I am, writing, not for my intense enjoyment or yours, but because I feel lead to continue sharing the story God is writing in my life.

I don’t want to miss out on the opportunities to remember and reflect on His goodness just because of my fleshly timid-ness, laziness, and even pride.

So since writing last we’ve had more lessons in the world of homeownership. Many more lessons. I can’t say I’ve stomached them all well but I’m still learning. It’s a process.

We’ve had more house guests for an extended period of time which we loved. House guests that usually live across the globe in China. They taught us a lot.

We have prayed a lot for broken marriages, our marriage, lonely widows, friends who want to grow their families or find a spouse, those struggling with their jobs, our world, and so much more.

We hosted our first holiday…meaning I made my first turkey. Some moments really weren’t pretty but in the end, we had family around our extended table (thanks to a trusty card table) and warm food so it was pretty perfect.


Our Thanksgiving table(s).

We’ve signed six different wedding cards including two for each of our sisters. I’ve worn two navy blue bridesmaid dresses. The weddings were each perfect in their own different ways.


One of my navy blue dresses & a beautiful bride (my sister.)

And we’ve painted the last room that needed a new color in our house…yet another color of grey, in the room we will call the nursery that will have an occupant in it in four short months.

I couldn’t have written any part of this story myself but I can share it, so share it I am.  Thanks for reading, following, or being a part of this story of mine.

The joys of homeownership

Our backyard dolled up for a fun baby shower.

Our backyard dolled up for a fun baby shower.

Our home has been filled. Filled with dear friends for a fun extended stay. Hungry college-age counselors for a week of camp nearby. Family coming in for a busy holiday weekend. Most Monday nights for time to share life and about Who made it. Sweet celebrations relishing in new life and others another year past.

What fun it has been to play host to many of the special people and even strangers in our lives in our old house.

Our home has also been filled with projects. Like a leak that created mold just like that in the guest bathroom. Or the garage whose panels hadn’t seen daylight since 1977, so we thought it would only make sense to burn and make anew with drywall in one weekend. Or the weeds that grow back in a day just to spite me. Or the chipmunks and squirrels that like to play a game of catch and come back with Kyle.

Projects like this make me want to pull my hair out or just shut the door.

Projects like this make me want to pull my hair out or just shut the door.

No matter what our home is more filled with, the special people and events, or the long list of daunting projects, I’m hoping that it is always a bit of both. I relish in the sweet moments of celebration or extra roommates as second nature while the projects quite honestly make me want to pull my hair out more often then not. Oh the joys of homeownership everyone says in a sarcastic tone.

But even under my own sarcasm of saying that, I’m learning that I truly mean it. There is joy in owning a home. It’s not been only the fun, celebratory things that have made this paying a mortgage and mowing the grass thing joyful. It has been the scary, I don’t know how to do that so look it up on Google, projects that have led me to learn the real joys of homeownership. It’s in those moments that I remember who the real Owner is and how this sweet old house isn’t for my constant comfort or pleasure.

This squirrel "bit the dust" according to Kyle but I'm pretty sure I saw it at the bird feeder just yesterday...

This squirrel “bit the dust” according to Kyle but I’m pretty sure I saw it at the bird feeder just yesterday…

I’m learning again and again that this home isn’t my final home and that there is no way or amount of money that can make it perfect. And although we try to make our home someplace desirable and albeit a bit of a refuge, I know that my only refuge is never going to be someplace with four walls or some website with all the home fix it answers, but some One who created all things. It’s Him in who I put my trust and where I’ve found my joy in owning a home.

#character and imperfect progress

This old house is loaded with character. Tons. Of. It. If you have been around me recently or gotten a tour of the home, you will likely know my explanation and rationale for anything not quite right, broken, or a bit odd and that is hash-tag character. Yes, #character.

Our sweet house in the spring time.

Our sweet house in the spring time.

Like I’ve written about before, our awesome new-to-us old home is weighty on quirks or things left behind from the many previous owners. I’m learning to love most or get used to the things I dub #character but it’s a process as most things in life are.

There is some #character for you: the fun wallpaper which for the meantime is here to stay.

There is some #character for you: the fun wallpaper which for the meantime is here to stay.

It’s the blue tile I’m keeping for sentiments sake as I’ve shared before. It’s the broken and can’t quite be fixed doorbell (so knock loud if you drop by). It’s the closet light that won’t turn on if the bathroom light is turned on. And there is more.

Some of our character has been fixed in the few weeks we’ve been here but undoubtedly each week we find something more. Yesterday it was the middle bathroom shower that didn’t have cold water. Either I was just super hot and parched from my long run so any temperature of water felt hot OR something isn’t quite right. I’ll go with the latter.

The family room went from tan to grey. Even with 6+ grey paint samples to help us make a choice, we still had to paint it twice as the first grey wasn't quite right. #selfinflictedcharacter

The family room went from tan to grey. Even with 6+ grey paint samples to help us make a choice, we still had to paint it twice as the first grey wasn’t quite right. #selfinflictedcharacter

Some character has bit the dust recently. Prime example: the bathroom and closet light debacle. We had a sweet friend who came over one afternoon with an idea of how to fix it and fix it he did! And then there are other elements of character that may take forever to get fixed or might just hang there like the doorbell. Again, you will have to knock.

In this process…let’s actually call it a journey… of diagnosing and attempting to fix some of our #character, I am actually surprising myself in how many of the quirks or things not quite right that I have been able to let go, not fret about, and give to God. It’s like I am actually not sweating the small stuff. Now I’ve got to be honest, there is plenty of stuff I am still sweating that I need to just hand over to Him, but I’ve

From teal to cucumber green, our kitchen gets the best sunshine. It is probably my favorite room in our house.

From teal to cucumber green, our kitchen gets the best sunshine during the day. It is probably my favorite room in our house.

made progress and I’ve seen it most through this journey of being a first time home owner, My progress, albeit small, is just that: progress.

I’ve made imperfect progress as I continue to learn to trust Him with all things and not my own flawed ability or failed attempts to fix the #character in my life.

To keep the tour going of our sweet little old house, I’ve included pictures.

We hope you will visit. – K

Dear Mymy,

I will always remember you as Mymy but I will always think of you when I hear the names Norma, Jane, NJ, or the family nickname of Yangle. You wore all of these names well.

You wore many things well during your life like the beautiful hand-knitted sweaters you made.

You truly were a woman of many talents and gifts. It was the way you used these gifts to love and care for most specifically – our family – that I will always remember. It was these gifts that you shared that truly touched my life.

It was your gift of cooking. Even if the meal was simple, like pot roast, it was exquisite yet comforting all at the same time. Your pies were out of this world. There was always something about that crust and to this day even with your recipe and some practice I can’t emulate it.

Your gift of sewing made me Snow White one Halloween and Blaire, Jasmine. It also made us a fabulous Dorothy costume which we begrudgingly shared and the cute cooking apron I have to this day.

I loved your gift of generosity. One of my favorite memories with you was from one of my many visits during the summer when I visited on my own. It was a chilly August before school started and I had only packed summer clothes for my trip. That just wouldn’t do for you so we went on a girls shopping trip to Gap on Walnut Street and bought a whole outfit – from head to toe including socks and a hat! I loved those corduroy overalls and striped shirt dearly but the experience with you was all the more special.

You shared so many things with us and served us – our family – in so many ways and so well. You were a constant partner to Poppop and were his ally through and through. It was evident the appreciation he had for you as when he would speak about you he would always get choked up and implore us grandchildren to find a partner like you one day.

I know he would be happy to know that each of us grandchildren have found that special partner to share life with. And I think you, Mymy, would be happy too.

Whenever I hear the words “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…” I will forever hear you saying them.

This is a memory I hope I will never forget. This post encompasses some of the farewell message I will read in a few weeks at my grandmother's funeral.

This is a memory I hope I will never forget. This post encompasses some of the farewell message I will read in a few weeks at my grandmother’s funeral.

For some of the later years of my childhood I loved this special tradition to finish our Christmas Eve to have you read “Twas the night before Christmas.” I remember flanking the sides of your chair and listening as you skillfully read this book to us.

And although Poppop was known as the artist in the family, Mymy, you truly were one too. You used your gifts well and you mastered loving your family and friends through them. I hope to be working on using my gifts in just this way like you did.

Thanks for the lessons, the love, and the memories.

Very sincerely,

Your granddaughter, Katie

A Year Ago…

I took a step of faith and of course I wrote about it. Evidence of that is here.

A year has come and gone and today I celebrate one year of work doing my dream job. And the super fun thing is that it is totally still my dream job.

As I sit here and reflect about the last year professionally and personally the two really blend in together. Isn’t that how it really should be?

A lot can change in a my hair style but clearly not my affinity for pearls or a blue button down.

A lot can change in a year…like my hair style but clearly not my affinity for pearls or a blue button down.

I’ve had wins this past year – like big projects that went really well and fun moments like running a marathon with my dad. I’ve had losses – days where my tongue slipped and I should have just kept those words to myself and losses as three family members passed away. I’ve had other days where I’ve left fulfilled and then some others where my mind seemed like mush – a good mush from challenges that made me think but mush all the same. It’s all happened this year.

Everyone has different benchmarks that cause them to look back and ahead and to reflect. I have a new one in my life that just happens to happen on a day when many people wear green. And as I write this post and look back I am thankful to the One who wrote it already knowing the ins and outs of my year this past year…knowing this was His plan in the making and definitely not my own.

To Him I give the credit and the glory. Today and a year ago… I am thankful.

So, we bought a house.

So since the last time I wrote, we officially bought a house. Our first home.

It’s pretty crazy…and our story of how we got here to oh, ya know, a home now with a mortgage and yard attached, is pretty amazing.

Documenting said experience and the many stories already coming from just this one purchase has been on my to do list for multiple days. Weeks actually. But this said to do list has been pretty crammed and pushy lately with trips to the hardware store, scouring a certain lady’s list online to find qualified Tim “the tool man” Taylors, and my newly dubbed least favorite task so far: picking out paint colors.

Yes, I officially hate picking out paint colors. I’d rather you do it for me and then I’ll pick from what you suggest. Just don’t ask me to narrow it down or go buy another paint sample. I. can’t. do. it.

Moving on from my paint picking issue, now that I’ve actually come to the spot on my to do list that says write, here I am, not sure what to actually write about or where to start in sharing the story about our home.

So to start, I’ll just give you a written tour.

Here we are, homeowners! This was taken the day before our final home inspection.

Here we are, homeowners!

We think we are the fifth or sixth or maybe seventh owners of our home (we aren’t exactly sure but a few families have called our cute ranch their home before). If our walls could talk they would talk about the many different colors they’ve worn over the years – in our digging so far we have found school bus yellow, a deep red, a bright teal, a pretty green, and a dark brown.

Our walls would begin telling us stories in the late 70s when they were first built and probably about the fun New Years party they helped hold at the start of the millennium. We know from our nice neighbor who has been here for all the different owners and colors, that although originally a three-bedroom home, a fourth bedroom, the current master, was added in the early 80s by the original owner. Thus the detached garage was created.

Our unique cherry floors draw the most attention besides the entryway wallpaper that everyone, and I mean everyone has an opinion about. We will gladly accept any opinion you have point blank as long as you know for now, we are keeping the wallpaper.

Right away after you get a good glance at the wallpaper or the floors (both steal the show), you will see a fun little room at the front of the house. It could be called the formal dining room or living room or my husband’s dream ball pit room. It will be our study and office.

What I haven't yet written about is the many hands and feet that have helped us so far...making our start as homeowners such a special experience. Thank you to those in this picture and the many others for your prayers, your help cleaning, painting, and dare I say it - picking out paint colors!

What I haven’t yet written about is the many hands and feet that have helped us so far…making our start as homeowners such a special experience. Thank you to those (you know who you are) for your prayers, your help cleaning, painting, and dare I say it – picking out paint colors!

Our kitchen has seen some dramatic changes over the years including a wall being removed and basically newish everything. Unique to the home are arched cut out windows and doorways into the kitchen and into the family room. It’s quaint and the kind of character I love.

And oh how our home has plenty of character…some like the doorways that I love and plenty of other things like the different cracks and spots in the walls from different fixes that I don’t. But its character is growing on me – some days more than others.

Our family room has a fire burning fireplace that we hope to one day use but not until much later this year…I’m thinking Christmas time so the cold weather can stay away until then. I love our built in bookshelf but it also has some character to it…rustic character that we may try to freshen up a bit with a makeover later this year.

The room where we will sleep used to house cars but now it will house us. The current master is the old garage that was added on 30 plus years ago. That makes the room a bit chilly but chilly isn’t bad especially to catch some zzz’s.

Another element of character that I will simply have to adjust to is well water. Our home has a 250 foot deep well that provides all of our water. Now I can hopefully say my days being on well water are numbered as we would like to connect with city water in the coming few years, but for now it’s more character that I am going to learn to love about this home along with not having a water bill.

And there is more, oh, so much more…like the sky blue tile left in the original master bathroom probably from 1977. We are keeping that too, by the way, for some reason I am sentimental about it but we will give that bathroom an update keeping the blue tile once our bank account breathes a bit this summer.

There you have it, the written tour for now. We are coming off of a weekend where we added yet more colors to the mix for the walls to talk about. This time a minty green, bright white, deep violet/blue, and calming tan. And we are learning the joy of homeownership…we can pick the paint colors, paint them, and dare I say it…paint them again whenever we want!

And for the record, I’ll paint as long as I don’t have to pick the paint color or get a paint sample…

More homeownership stories to come,


In the past six months

In the past six months…

I’ve loved running and training for a marathon.

And I’ve despised running and training for the same marathon.

I’ve laughed more times than I have cried.

I’ve cried hard and for real things and for real pain not just in my life but in dear friends lives.

I’ve read five books…maybe one or two more, I lost count.

I’ve seen two movies…like in a real movie theater movies (countless others on Netflix).

I’ve celebrated 20+ friends/family birthdays plus the birth of a new little one.

I’ve sat and mourned in the front row at two funerals.

I’ve giggled with true joy and excitement at the announcement of a new little one on the way of a dear friend and the engagement of my sweet sister-in-law.

I’ve struggled as things (and people) have changed around me.

I’ve thrived as some things have changed about me.

I’ve prayed… a lot.


Celebrating a year older...wiser or whatever they say.

Celebrating a year older…wiser or whatever they say.

In the past six months I’ve lived a lot of life. More life than I really felt like I have before. Yes, I’ve had hard things and good things happen since before last September but somehow the life I’ve lived in the past 180 odd days I’ve really felt more than ever before.

It’s been real or I’ve just been more real with it. I don’t try to fight it (or I’m really trying not to) –it being the suffering and hard days-and I try to really appreciate and relish in itit being the really wonderful days and moments.

They say with age comes more wisdom, but what really comes with age is just more time to experience suffering, struggles, joy-filled moments and announcements, and so much more. You just get better at being more real with it…accepting it, and trusting it (and the Who behind it all). Perhaps that all together equals wisdom.

So that’s what I’ve been doing lately…getting more real with life.